Hello again

Well, hello. I’ve ‘come out of the cupboard’ to try my hand at posting again.

One of the main things that emerged from my sister’s visit is that it’s not me being paranoid when I feel uneasy about Bear’s driving. Both my sister and her husband were pretty stressed out when Bear drove us to Maredsous one day. Wendy said she was NEVER going in a car with him again and Roger said ‘You can’t let him drive. He’s going to kill you one of these days.”

So it was left to me to find the right time, place and words to break it to him as tactfully as I could. He has always prided himself on being a good driver – and indeed he was – but a combination of poor eyesight and lack of concentration have resulted in a noticeable deterioration during the past year.

I picked a time when we were out having lunch at the local restaurant in the hopes that he wouldn’t throw a wobbly in public and i tried to put it to him as gently as possible that I was very worried about his eyesight and his driving.

He took it surprisingly well at the time. Too well.

Last night we went to our favourite restaurant half an hour away for his birthday meal. It’s the furthest I’ve driven for a very long time and it was raining virtually non-stop on the way back with oncoming headlights dazzling me from time to time. I felt quite relieved but pleased with myself when we arrived home.

“You made me feel really nervous with your driving.” was his verdict.

Another bone of contention between us is the question of a holiday. The last time we went away was a disaster and I’m most reluctant to go through that again.

During the birthday meal he was all sweet and pleasant one minute and growling (not always) under his breath at me the next.

“You know you can have anything you want.” he proclaimed,”Just tell me where you’d like to go on holiday and I’ll take you.”

Oh dear, my heart sank as I relived the last tme.

“Come on.” he urged – getting a bit nasty now, “Make up your mind – I’d like a really good holiday before I die.”  This last remark was intended to be overheard by Leotine as she brought our main course. She and her husband own the restaurant and, being Dutch, they speak excellent English.

When she was out of earshot I had my revenge.

“Well, if you remembr, you promised we’d have the holiday of a lifetime when I retired but we couldn’t agree where to go so it all fell through. I think it’s a bit too late now bearing in mind your state of health.”


9 Responses to “Hello again”

  1. tillylil Says:

    Glad you are back Sandy.
    Well done for plucking up the courage to tell Bear his driving is awful and don’t get bullied into going on holiday with him – you know you’ll need another one to get over it.

  2. Z Says:

    Driving is such a symbol of masculinity and, in a practical vein, such a means of independence that it’s hard to admit that it’s time to give it up. You must have put it tactfully for him to take it well at the time, but I suppose it’s inevitable that he’ll take out his resentment on you.

    The holiday’s not likely to happen – you could always pick a destination that you know won’t be his choice so that he can’t say you’ve thwarted his plans.

  3. canisfamiliaris Says:


  4. Little old me Says:

    nice one Sandy

  5. Pat Says:

    Could be he would be relieved to not drive but God forbid he should admit it. He sounds such a b—–d sometimes. I do feel for you. Just
    DON’T let him grind you down.

  6. guyana gyal Says:

    My mind is spinning with remarks I’d like to throw at Bear!

  7. Susie Vereker Says:

    Oh Sandy, words fail me. Can your son or daughter drive you on hols or could you go on a package with others from the village?

  8. sablonneuse Says:

    Tracey: you’re right thre!

    Z: I could try suggesting Australia . . . .

    Derek and Helen: I win some!

    Pat: I’ll try to keep smiling (through gritted teeth sometimes though)

    G-G: I’m not short of words either.

    Susie: it would be lovely to go on holiday with with the ‘Club des Anciens’ but it would be impossible to leave Bear with the others.

  9. zuleme Says:

    Bear seems to have borderline personality disorder. The “walking on eggshells” you describe. I could not live with anyone like that.

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