Bear. . . . .

Yes, Bear was really pleasant for most of this week.

But the strain got to him.

Yesterday he behaved well for Whale’s burthday, and even joined us for a meal – so something had to give.

He blew his top this morning because he said I wasn’t letting him ‘do things’ and then this afternoon I saw him fiddling about with the TV.  It’s true we can’t record any English programmes because as soon as the recorder is switched on it cuts out the satellite receiver. Last time he played with it, he managed to lose reception altogether and it took me ages to get it working again.  I thought he’d given up on the idea of being able to record with his new (cheapo) DVD recorder.

After a while I went through and, as tactfully as I could, reminded him that we had already tried to get it working but to no avail.

“I know what I’m doing” he growled, “leave me alone. Whose is this anyway?”

He threw the ‘zapper’ to the floor and started pouring out all the old invective.

“We’re not a married couple anymore.  You never talk to me. I hate it here. You’re making my life a misery. You don’t understand and you don’t care. All your friends, (that’s if you’ve got any left) agree with me. . . . . .” etc.

“OK, it’s all yours,” I said, and left him to it.

A bit later he ‘apologised’ for his outburst but that led to yet another round of bitter criticism of my selfishness in making his life so unbearable.

He went back for another go at  fiddling with the TV and I heard French programmes blaring out at full volume.

“I bet he’s lost sound on the digibox,” I thought to myself.

Sure enough, when I switched on to watch the News there was only a faint whisper on English telly but the French channels were coming through at full blast.

“You have to turn the volume up full to hear it.” said Bear, stating the obvious.

“Yes, That’s what happened last time you played with it. Now, can you remember which scarts you swapped?”

“I didn’t touch anything. I just looked at it.” Bear lied.

“No, seriously, can you tell me whether you changed anything please?”

“I told you, I didn’t touch anything.” he claimed.

Just in case he was telling the truth I checked that all the scart plugs were well pushed in but it made no diference.

After surveyng the mangle of wires conncting the TV to the digibox and DVD recorder I hazarded a guess and changed the scart on the box to the other socket.

Bingo! There was sound again.

Bear said nothing and I decided not to make any comment either.

UPDATE  31st Decemember

It’s true, I’ll never fathom Bear’s moods. This morning he asked Jay to buy a hot water bottle for Whale as a ‘belated birthday present’. If this sounds strange it’s because  Bear received one for Christmas from one of his daughters and Whale said he wished he had one. It was an unexpected act of kindness but much appreciated.


4 Responses to “Bear. . . . .”

  1. canisfamiliaris Says:


    I am starting to understand the expression, ‘bear with a sore head’. It’s brilliant! That expression will soon become part of English folklore and pass into general colloquial use! Well done!! (tongue firmly in cheek, of course)!!!

    Happy New Year (seriously!)

    derek x
    It was from this same expression that Bear got his pseudonym!
    Happy New Year to you, Alison and Beattie.

  2. Z Says:

    My mother lived here for 15 years and always rather resented it. It took many years of her saying she wished she lived somewhere else and that she would make plans to go and live near my sister, but finally I said “I wish you would start making arrangements and do it.” I’d not said it before, not because I didn’t want to but because it couldn’t be unsaid and she knew I wouldn’t say such a thing unless I meant it. She looked at me, shocked, said nothing more and never said it again.

    Bear has a point. But he only sees it as what he doesn’t receive and what he wants. He seems to give nothing back, nor does he feel any wish or obligation to.
    You have summed him up pretty well, z, but he does have odd moments of generosity even though it seems to go against the grain. . . . . .

  3. bretonne Says:

    How about making a little pancarte “Your choice to be here!” to wave at moments like these?

    I’ve said it in the past but it only makes him even more angry. He doesn’t like to be reminded why I left him or of the fact that he chose to come and ‘help’ me look after Whale.

  4. tillylil Says:

    Sandy – divorce him.
    If he chooses to stay at least you have no obligation to him as a wife. Now that would really be a unique postition to live with two ex husbands!

    That’s a mischievous thought, Tracey.
    However, if we were still living under the same roof the legal status wouldn’t make a lot of difference! On the amazingly bright side, do you know he brought me a cup of tea in bed at 8.30 this morning!!!!!

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