Pulling apart

Bear and I have just been out for lunch in town. He used it as an opportunity to let fly about all the things that annoy him:

The fact that I seem to have more to say to Whale, CC and Jay than I do to him. “There’s too much talking. Talking should only be for communication” (??!!)

He doesn’t think I show him enough affection: I spend too much time on the computer (while he watches programmes on TV that I hate): and I never want to go out with him.

Whale is getting a bit more difficut in that he needs more help and therefore calls on me more frequently. True – but that’s not a crime.

CC and Jay still don’t have jobs. Again, true, but they are pretty depressed about it. Bear’s solution -“You’re not being a very good mother. You should kick them out and make them stand on their own two feet”  – isn’t the answer.

He went on to say that if I had married someone else he would have killed Whale by now. “None of your friends can understand how I put up with it”.

I had managed to keep silent up until then, just trying to convey by my expression that this was not a good time nor place to be having a domestic but I couldn’t stop myself from retorting,

“If I’d married someone else, he might have been more supportive, and, anyway, if he had been kinder to CC amd Jay when they were younger they might not be in such difficulties today.”

This made Bear very angry. His expression became ugly, his eyes glinted with what I can only describe as hatred. He leaned forward and spat out his threat.

“If you’re going to keep bringing up the past I’ll kick you in the crotch when you stand up.”

It wasn’t pleasant and I half thought of walking out and getting a taxi home but, quite honestly, I’m kind of used to it. I knew he’d calm down fairly promptly. Besides, it was raining and it’s a fair walk to the station and the taxi rank.

As we walked back to the car he reverted to ‘normal’.

On the way I home I couldn’t help thnking that marriages can only really work if a couple pull together and support one another.

Otherwise they are just pulled further and further apart.




10 Responses to “Pulling apart”

  1. Keith Says:

    I know how you feel Sandy. With me the boot was on the other foot, she was always having a go at me about anything and everything. We were married for thirty six years and I tried everything to make the marriage work, but to no avail.

    She is the most bitter, twisted and hateful person I have ever met. I suggested many times that we forget the past and start anew. She would not even consider going to Marriage Guidance or even sitting down and trying to resolve our problems. I still loved her even then; but not now!

    Love can turn into hate, but hate can never turn into love! I found out that she was seeing my best friend on the quiet and had been for years. That is why she would not try to sort things out. Well, they say the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, and that’s what she thought.

    Now I have heard “down the grapevine” that she is still not a happy bunny with her new love!

    Y’know, I really miss my best friend now. . . .

  2. Sophie Says:

    What a prick!
    I wish you could kick him out and just live happily with your children.
    And I agree: being “tough” on them is ridiculous, you can’t do that, it’s important that you are there for them to give them your love and support.

  3. sablonneuse Says:

    Keith and Sophie: thank you both for your supportive comments. CC has invited a friend to lunch today – a fellow pupil she met learning French. Fingers crossed that Bear behaves himself.

  4. canisfamiliaris Says:

    How much longer are you going to put up with the Bear? If you can’t just kick him out, then next time he disappears off to the UK, pull up the drawbridge, change all the door locks and stick cotton wool in your ears when he returns and hammers on the door!! derek x

    Tempting – I agree, but not a very practical solution. It is a bit longer than usual since his last ‘explosion’ and he did try to apologise this morning. Unfortunately his apology was more on the lines of “I’m sorry but it’s all your fault . . .”
    Nevertheless, he was the epitome of charm when CC invited her friend for lunch today, so he’s not entirely bad.

  5. Little old me Says:

    My heart goes out to you, my first marrage was much like yours but came with the blows not just the threats. he too could be oh so charming when other people were around. I know it’s hard but really you must try to get out of this realationship, it’s not good for you and you don’t deserve this. life is to short to live like this.

    sending love your way

    Poor you to have to put up with physical violence as well. Bear did resort to blows in the past but I left him – promptly – without thinking where I would go or what I would do. He promised he would never lay hands on the children of me again – and he has kept that promise.

  6. Pat Says:

    Sandy that must be so awful for you. God knows there is enough pain in the world without trying to inflict it on your nearest and dearest. Be strong love and DON’T be a victim.
    I will sort out my side bar soon but this morning I have wasted hours trying to buy the book that Peach has written in aid of War Children. I’d give up if I didn’t have a story in it. I must gird my loins and try again and tomorrow I must publicise it and use links . Oh the horror!

    Oh I didn’t know the warchild book was out. The problem with Bear is that he must have a mental problem which doesn’t improve with age. He was 81 yesterday. How could I chuck him out- or leave him?
    I see from your later comment that you have mastered the links. That’s more than I can say. On eponym I tried to change one link and lost the lot!

  7. tillylil Says:

    I expect you are quite used to his tirades after all these years.
    He reminds me of a very petulant child who demands sole attention which he obviously isn’t getting in the current domestic situation.
    Hope the kids get jobs soon. They must be feeling quite despondent.

  8. emtnest103 Says:

    Oh how I wish I could be right beside you to give a big bear hug to you because you so deserve it.
    I wish I had just half the patience that you have.
    Rest assured that you have friends here in the blogging world that you can express your impatience with what is going on in your life.
    God bless you my dear and hopefully today is a better day for you.

    Thank you so much for your kind thoughts. It’s so true that blogging is a great way to ‘de-stress’ and also to meet new friends.

  9. Pat Says:

    Done it!!!!!
    Now I’ll have a go at Keith. You do realise that you must never change again – don’t you? Not unless you want me to have a nervous breakdown:)

  10. guyana gyal Says:

    I know Bear can be bad and funny while he is bad sometimes, but there are other times…

    This: “If you’re going to keep bringing up the past I’ll kick you in the crotch when you stand up” has made me so angry I don’t know what to say. I’m furious, actually. So hurt for you.

    Don’t worry, G-G. I knew he wouldn’t carry out his threat (though he looks as though he means it at the time).

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: